best foods and drinks that promote deep sleep are the only thing keeping me from turning into a gremlin at this point. im on my couch in austin right now, 2:03 am, just woke up from a nap that lasted 4 hours and now i cant find my left sock. room smells like old pizza and cherry juice, ac is making that death rattle again, and theres def a kiwi in my sheets somewhere. whatever, lets talk sleep before i pass out again.
why im even writing about best foods and drinks that promote deep sleep
turned 35 and my sleep just… left. id lay there watching the fan go round and round till i wanted to scream. eyebags so bad my mom asked if i was sick. tried melatonin, felt like i got roofied by a gummy bear and still woke up at 3am ready to fight god. so i started digging thru my fridge at midnight like a raccoon with insomnia. found some stuff that actually works. mostly by spilling it everywhere.
the best foods and drinks that promote deep sleep i actually use
tart cherry juice – the mvp of drinks that promote deep sleep
keep the concentrate in the fridge door next to the moldy yogurt. two big gulps in whatever mug is clean-ish, hour before bed. tastes like pie filling gone wrong but i’m OUT. spilled it on my sheets once, now theres a permanent pink blob shaped like a cloud. i call it my sleep tattoo.
banana and almond butter – deep sleep food combo
smear almond butter on banana with a spoon cuz knives are too much work. almonds got magnesium that tells my brain to stfu, banana stops my legs from doing the charleston at 2am. once used a tortilla instead of banana. still worked. woke up with nut butter in my eyebrow.
kiwi – the fuzzy sleep fruit
two kiwis, skin on, cuz dishes. first time i ate one i got fuzz in my teeth and almost barfed. next day slept thru my alarm and went to a meeting with bed head and a seed on my shirt. now they live in my nightstand drawer like contraband.
drinks that promote deep sleep i dont gag on
passionflower tea beats chamomile every time
chamomile = hot yard clippings. passionflower tastes like someone bottled a meadow. i brew it too strong and it’s bitter but who cares, im unconscious. this brand – no affiliate, just dont @ me.
warm turmeric milk – my sad little latte
milk + turmeric + cinnamon + pepper cuz google said. tastes like chai’s depressed cousin. knocks me out tho. teeth yellow for a day. whatever.
foods for deeper sleep i found in the dark
- pistachios: handful. woke up with green dust on my pillow like i killed shrek.
- dark chocolate: one square 85%. ate half a bar once, dreamed my ex was a penguin. never again.
my best foods and drinks that promote deep sleep “routine”
- 9pm: cherry juice in mug that says “dont talk to me till coffee”
- 9:30: kiwi or banana while watching trash tv
- 10: tea + turmeric milk cuz why not
- 10:15: faceplant. phone hits floor. dont care
sometimes i just eat almond butter with a spoon and call it step 1-4.
mistakes i made chasing best foods and drinks that promote deep sleep
- drank “decaf” at 11pm. wasnt decaf.
- ate spicy ramen at midnight. heartburn + anxiety = 0 sleep
- tried warm beer. tasted like gym socks. slept negative hours
anyway best foods and drinks that promote deep sleep kinda work
im still a disaster but at least i sleep sometimes. try the cherry juice, eat the kiwi, dont spill on your pets. if youre up at 3am eating cereal with a fork, comment below – ill be there, probably with pistachio fingers.
whats your weird sleep hack? tell me, maybe ill try it. night yall 😴
