Things to avoid during pregnancy hit me square in the face at 3 a.m. last night—radiator clanking, Bushwick sirens wailing, me staring at a half-crushed Monster can like it’s evidence in a trial. I’m 32 weeks, kid’s doing cartwheels, and I’m over here wondering if that “one sip” of my roommate’s IPA counts as child endangerment. Spoiler: it does. Welcome to my unhinged diary of things to avoid during pregnancy for a healthy baby—no filters, just me, pickle juice stains, and a cat who knows too much.
Check out my full pregnancy diary mess here if you wanna spiral with me.
## My Top Things to Avoid During Pregnancy That I Totally Ignored
I thought rules were for people with actual self-control. Wrong. Here’s the stuff to skip while pregnant I romanced anyway:
### The Vape Hit That Haunted Me (A Pregnancy No-Go Classic)
Rooftop in Williamsburg, fairy lights flickering, someone passes a mango vape. I took one puff—felt like a rebel for 0.5 seconds. Then 2 a.m. hits and I’m speed-reading Mayo Clinic’s smoking page while stress-googling “fetal lung damage.” Things to avoid during pregnancy for a healthy baby: anything that lights up. Period.
- Lesson I learned at 4 a.m.: Mango flavor doesn’t cancel nicotine.
- Current status: Hid my friend’s Juul in the freezer. Behind the peas.
## Caffeine: The Thing to Avoid During Pregnancy I Divorced (Kinda)
Things to avoid during pregnancy include my soulmate—caffeine. I was “fine” with one coffee… except it was a 24-oz iced with extra shots. Baby started river-dancing; I whispered, “I feel you, tiny gremlin.” ACOG caps it at 200mg. I was doing triple that on Tuesdays.
Switched to half-caff and cried. Tastes like watered-down regret, but hey—healthy baby habits start somewhere.
### Raw Fish, Hot Tubs, and Other Stuff to Skip While Pregnant
Bodega sushi at 15 weeks because “california rolls are cooked, right?” Narrator: they were not. Spent 72 hours convinced I’d gifted the kid parasites. CDC says hard pass on raw anything. Same with the gym hot tub—10 minutes in, I waddled out looking like a boiled crab.
Pro tip: microwave deli meat till it screams. Smells like a crime scene, but avoid for healthy baby achieved.
## Cat Litter Toxo Terror (Pregnancy Mistakes Edition)
Scooping Mr. Whiskers’ box at 19 weeks, brain screaming “TOXOPLASMOSIS!” Made my boyfriend suit up like he’s entering Chernobyl. FDA’s full no-go list became my nightly read.
- Things to avoid during pregnancy, bullet style:
- Cat poop duty (outsource or perish).
- Soft cheese (I held a funeral for my camembert).
- Alcohol (sniffed a wine cork once. Don’t judge).
## The Heating Pad Felony I Still Can’t Quit
Lower back pain had me feral. Cranked the heating pad to “surface of the sun,” passed out, woke up branded like a waffle. Called my OB sobbing about “fetal BBQ.” What to Expect says chill. Now I rotate ice packs like a DJ.
## Okay, Fine—Here’s the Things to Avoid During Pregnancy for a Healthy Baby TL;DR
. I did all of it, cried, fixed what I could. Baby’s still kicking like she’s mad at me—and honestly? Fair.
Your mess, your turn: What pregnancy no-go did you flirt with? Spill in the comments; I need solidarity. And if this dumpster fire helped, share it with your group chat. Or don’t—I’m gonna go tape another ultrasound to the fridge and pretend the crack is modern art.
(P.P.S. Related: My First Trimester Freakouts if you wanna keep the chaos train rolling.)
